jolyn dislikes long profiles, they reveal too much, and where's the enigma in that? apart from that, jolyn is also an ugly monster, and if you have something against ugly people, then well, too bad.

jolyn adores music, androgynous boys, shark(boy)s, pink spiders, robots, black and red, the word 'awesome', musicians, and referring to herself as the third person, a trait she picked up from uncle goh.



(in no particular order)

ryan; yiling; elsia; cherie; tharsh; evelynwong; see ler1; see ler2; jumalia; kimberly; denise; dalila; weiping; nurul; shaun; kelvin; jessica; candice; grace; shyaza; chekseen; amirah; jaan; jedidah; nadzirah; juliana; aqilah; charlton; qixuan; aqila; xinyi; sili; samantha; melissa; jolene; nadia; nurul; suetfar; armeeza; joanna; melissa; sakinah; peishi; gurvin; wuyi; yingying; jennifer; dionne; peiwen; zakkiyah; azrina; estee; fiona; germaine; jiaqi; shirlynn; jacqueline; joshua; qianyun;

grouphug; ryan; postsecret; kennysia; xiaxue; levan; translation; dictionary; edison; youtube;

untold prophesy
lingyu
deborah
khairiah
cheryl
alvin

foto decadent ; moargh ; bias-ED.

iPod [video], sharkb0izx 101, scene hair, a lot of clothes, tongue, navel and lip piercings, shopping spree, a million billion trillion gazillion dollars, effective weight loss, accessories, skinnies, BILL!, a lot of moshing, 69 hours in a day, more gigs! ask me and i'll tell you

HELLO((:

sorry i didn't blog yesterday. was rushing geog project yesterday. sighs. i went to jeremy's house to do it cos my fucking com can't read diskettes. so troublesome.

and i forgot to save my work, and the whole computer shut down. FUCK. i redid every single slide.

hurhur. i'm so not in a good mood. i screwed the maths test and also the chinese one. i'm a failure.

i took everything for granted. i complained about my life. if i knew it was going to spiral downwards this way, i would've cherish every single thing. why am i so fucking retarded?

i'm sorry. i'm just feeling down. you can't explain it, it's just THERE. how it gets there, i do not know.

i had a talk with ms tan yesterday during reading period. she commented that i have low self-esteem.

i think i need counselling. i think i need an escape. and i think my penknife is not sharp enough. and i love that song that daphne's singing in shooting stars. "let me go". i want to sing, but my voice makes me feel so ashamed.

i can't sing.

suddenly it's one of those days when you feel the darkest, you can't think of anything that is actually UP in your life. you feel so fucking hopeless, it's like a black hole. it sucks you in, it sucks all the light from your life, leaving just an empty hole.

i hate me.

and i wonder what it would be like to die like those Cambodians during the war between them and the Viets (oh shit, i read too much Minfong Ho books!). They capture you, force you to dig your own grave (except you don't know it at that time. you think they are asking you to dig deep trenches or ditches) and then they shoot you. or they just push you in, and pile soil all over you.

i'm turning crazy.

I NEED TO SEE A COUNSELLOR(:

there are things i want to say, but i just can't. how do you tell someone why you're sad? and tell them you want to die sometimes??

kimberly asked me if i cut myself, and i told her no. she saw the penknife in my pencilcase.

people are asking me what's up. how do i tell you if i don't even know what's wrong myself?! there are times when i feel like screaming, but nobody's listening.

how can i feel so alone when i'm surrounded with others? i wonder why no one bothers anymore. is everyone too wrapped up in their own lives? am i too wrapped up in myself?

i'm so sick. everything is just a game, and i'm ready to quit. quit this game. QUIT THIS LIFE.

i really ought to see a shrink for help.

i need someone to like.
who really likes me back.

but look at me...i don't want to talk about it. i should die.


D
I
E

my penknife's not sharp enough. i need a new one.