jolyn dislikes long profiles, they reveal too much, and where's the enigma in that? apart from that, jolyn is also an ugly monster, and if you have something against ugly people, then well, too bad.

jolyn adores music, androgynous boys, shark(boy)s, pink spiders, robots, black and red, the word 'awesome', musicians, and referring to herself as the third person, a trait she picked up from uncle goh.



(in no particular order)

ryan; yiling; elsia; cherie; tharsh; evelynwong; see ler1; see ler2; jumalia; kimberly; denise; dalila; weiping; nurul; shaun; kelvin; jessica; candice; grace; shyaza; chekseen; amirah; jaan; jedidah; nadzirah; juliana; aqilah; charlton; qixuan; aqila; xinyi; sili; samantha; melissa; jolene; nadia; nurul; suetfar; armeeza; joanna; melissa; sakinah; peishi; gurvin; wuyi; yingying; jennifer; dionne; peiwen; zakkiyah; azrina; estee; fiona; germaine; jiaqi; shirlynn; jacqueline; joshua; qianyun;

grouphug; ryan; postsecret; kennysia; xiaxue; levan; translation; dictionary; edison; youtube;

untold prophesy
lingyu
deborah
khairiah
cheryl
alvin

foto decadent ; moargh ; bias-ED.

iPod [video], sharkb0izx 101, scene hair, a lot of clothes, tongue, navel and lip piercings, shopping spree, a million billion trillion gazillion dollars, effective weight loss, accessories, skinnies, BILL!, a lot of moshing, 69 hours in a day, more gigs! ask me and i'll tell you

so here i am again.

i don't have any friends. i don't see the use of keeping a cbox. the future seems so bleak suddenly. suddenly nobody bothers to tag.

how, may i ask, is it possible for someone to lose their friends? what a debacle. the strange and sudden downfall of jolyn. from so high up there.

i was fine before. i didn't worry about not having friends. because...well. i had friends then. i had so many, i couldn't bother replying their smses.

now? it's not the same anymore.

i lost my friends.
i lost you.
i lost myself.

how do you get everything to be as perfect as it was before?

how do you turn back the hands of time?

why am i doing this? why can't i just let go and continue living like i always do? how come i have to graze my knee so badly from the fall, i'm so scared to get up?

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES?

or maybe it's self-denial. if i pretend nobody cares, i won't care too. i don't want to care anymore. caring just brings people into deeper shit. like how it got me into a SHITLOAD of problems.

if i didn't care about yiling, i wouldn't lose ying.
if i didn't care about you, i wouldn't hurt myself. i wondered why i said yes.
if i didn't care about your feelings, i wouldn't fall.

deep dark abyss, is this my fate?

i'm worried. what if i lose everybody?

including tharsh and halimatul.

including everybody that i cared about.

there can be no what ifs. time pulls people apart.

be it friendship or relationship. sooner or later, time will grasp you by the shoulders and yank you apart. you can protest, but you can't salvage it.

suddenly the person you feel is your soulmate starts feeling like a stranger. you have nothing to talk about, and when you DO talk, you find yourself blabbering, trying to make yourself believe it was like before. that nothing weird happened. that you both didn't grow apart.

you grasp anything. talk about anything. the jokes you used to find hilarious becomes lame and stupid. you force a laugh, and it sounds weird in your ears. you keep wondering what has gone wrong, was it a friendship gone awry? who screwed it up? who do i point my finger at?

then when someone can't stand it anymore and looks agitated, you blabber at great speeds, trying to avoid the inevitable good byes. the parting of friends.

you deny it.
you deny doing anything wrong.
you deny everything just to make it feel alright.

i wonder, what happened. was it me, ying? or was it you? it's such a pity, we were such good friends. then you started hating me for hanging out with yiling and halimatul. you got jealous (they said so) and then you refused to talk to me. i tried to salvage it, you know. I DID. i didn't want to let go and forget that we were ever best friends.

i talked to you.
i joked, but you didn't appreciate it.

it was weird. i used to be able to talkto you for hours, we used to laugh at stupid things. we were on the same wavelength. was it me who changed? or you? did it get to you, that i hung out with other people?

if this is going to be what happens, why do i even want to have friends?

the heartwrenching pain when you know your friendship is too far gone to be salvaged. the number of apologies you utter cannot change anything. you can try, but nothing will ever be the same. you cling onto it, only to let it crumble upon you.

you let it go, and it'll remain. as a memory, as a dream. something intangible, something that will fade away with the turn of time.

like a footprint on the sand. the waves wash it away. you'll soon forget.

i hope.

remembering can be painful.
the thoughts of what could've been
the dreams of the future dashed.
the pain.

why? why can't you do something?
why....why did you hurt me?