jolyn dislikes long profiles, they reveal too much, and where's the enigma in that? apart from that, jolyn is also an ugly monster, and if you have something against ugly people, then well, too bad.

jolyn adores music, androgynous boys, shark(boy)s, pink spiders, robots, black and red, the word 'awesome', musicians, and referring to herself as the third person, a trait she picked up from uncle goh.



(in no particular order)

ryan; yiling; elsia; cherie; tharsh; evelynwong; see ler1; see ler2; jumalia; kimberly; denise; dalila; weiping; nurul; shaun; kelvin; jessica; candice; grace; shyaza; chekseen; amirah; jaan; jedidah; nadzirah; juliana; aqilah; charlton; qixuan; aqila; xinyi; sili; samantha; melissa; jolene; nadia; nurul; suetfar; armeeza; joanna; melissa; sakinah; peishi; gurvin; wuyi; yingying; jennifer; dionne; peiwen; zakkiyah; azrina; estee; fiona; germaine; jiaqi; shirlynn; jacqueline; joshua; qianyun;

grouphug; ryan; postsecret; kennysia; xiaxue; levan; translation; dictionary; edison; youtube;

untold prophesy
lingyu
deborah
khairiah
cheryl
alvin

foto decadent ; moargh ; bias-ED.

iPod [video], sharkb0izx 101, scene hair, a lot of clothes, tongue, navel and lip piercings, shopping spree, a million billion trillion gazillion dollars, effective weight loss, accessories, skinnies, BILL!, a lot of moshing, 69 hours in a day, more gigs! ask me and i'll tell you

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channeled all your pain
and I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
and I tried to grab your hand
and I left my heart open
but you didn't understand
but you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeI
can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel


paparoach\scars

much thanks to lyred.com, justin kor (for sending me the song) and linggggg yuuu for introducing the song to me.

the second day of term 3, and i'm dead tired of school. the whole thing just breaks into an endless cycle. go school, study, band, go home late and then do homework, and then sleep. fuck. where's the fun in that? i'm sick of all this shit, you know?

i'm sorry ying. i didn't mean to make you mad at me. but really...you can't force me to act happy happy, pretending band rocks my socks. i really want to quit, and hali and i are going cca shopping tomorrow! hali said to me "what's the use of going for that cca when you're not going to enjoy it?' i agree.

during music lesson today, i became tjhe human canvas. THEY DREW ALL OVER ME! my arms are covered with words, and i saw two cat high boys looking at me and then reading my arm. one guy's name was kelvin or something. crazy toot. he probably thinks that i got a tattoo (: the words on my arms are 'broken dreams...' 'this pathetic life of mine', 'pissed with klife' and et cetera, et cetera. i love it. ling yu's handwriting damn nice (:

elsia's probably a little bit -crazy-. well. i'm not gonna care about those people. FUCK YOU ALL. i'm sick of this shit anyway. go ahead, taunt, jeer, laugh. you expect me to break out in tears and then run out of the classroom sobbing because of you *fantastic wit*? your jokes are lame anyway.

i saw cheryl hwa on the way home today. seriously. she's so talkative, she went up to a st.nicks girl and started chattering away. -.-" weirdo. then when i got off the mrt, she sprinted affter me, screaming at me to 'wait up!'. ee yerr. she talks a lot, but hey. im the good listener here.

i wanted to call tharsh today, but decided against it. you know why? i seriously don't want to here about her issues. what about mine? me? don't I matter? some times people get so caught up in themselves. i try to act selfless and patient. but everything i try to tell her something, she cuts me off and say 'AIYA! LISTEN TO ME!' she called me and conversation went like this.

tharsh: can you cll shiva for me? ask him whether he likes me? jo...do you think he likes me?

jo: call me again? i called him so many times yesterday. his parents not happy already. he likes you, alright? anyway. what am i supposed to say? 'HEY SHIVA. YOU LIKE THARSH?' like that? no right?

tharsh: but how you know he likes me?

jo: i know, ok...? so many little things.

tharsh: haiz... nobody likes me. nobody cares about me...

jo: haha. what about me?

tharsh: but..but..shiva doesn't like me!

jo: what about me? junren...and....?

tharsh: aiya...talk about me, can?

jo: .... {practically screaming into the phone}

i don't know about her being lonely and loveless and unwanted. but i feel lonely. nobody to catch me when i fall off the edge. i'm scared, you know? for some reason... i don't want to fall and break apart. i want to cling onto the edge and have someone pull me up and make sure i don't fall. even if i do, the person will be down there, catching me.

i AM happy when i'm with friends. with ying, tharsh, etc. i laugh and smile. but when i'm alone, its like the mask just falls off. leaving me, raw and naked *not in that way, please* and VULNERABLE. exposed. the covers fall away, leaving an empty shell. the only joy i have is blogging, that's why you notice i've been blogging longer and longer than usual.

for once. JUST FOR ONCE. i would like to stop being this way. this...DEPRESSION thing is driving me nuts. i write songs about committing suicide, leaping off the edge, cutting, drowning. i write about crying crimson tears. i write about broken promises. i write about how easily my heart is torn. i hate being alone. but i like being alone. what the hell is wrong with me?

i really want to know. what's up with me? i didn't use to be this way. i didn't have to cry myself to sleep. i didn't used to cry when i blogged. i read smses, and i just want to curl up into a ball and cry my heart out. talking to tharsh today, while she was talking, silent tears chased themselves down my cheeks.

i don't think about HIM anymore. i don't. at least not as often as thinking about other things. i know i'm not sad about HIM. is it such a taboo to utter his name? when i'm feeling lonely, i do think of him. when i'm in class, i think of how i used to sms him during lesson time. haha... that sucks.

depression. ughh. is anybody reading my blog? is anyone going to help? is anything going to change? or am i going to be stuck right HERE. broken.

i miss the old jolyn.
i miss the happy jolyn.
i miss the happy-but-oh-so-lonely girl.

now i'm the sad-but-oh-so-lonely girl.

B R E A K Y O U.

seems like you broke me first.
but you won't get away with it.
i'm taking back what you took from me.
i'm giving back whhat you gave me.

BUT I STILL MISS YOU.