jolyn dislikes long profiles, they reveal too much, and where's the enigma in that? apart from that, jolyn is also an ugly monster, and if you have something against ugly people, then well, too bad.

jolyn adores music, androgynous boys, shark(boy)s, pink spiders, robots, black and red, the word 'awesome', musicians, and referring to herself as the third person, a trait she picked up from uncle goh.



(in no particular order)

ryan; yiling; elsia; cherie; tharsh; evelynwong; see ler1; see ler2; jumalia; kimberly; denise; dalila; weiping; nurul; shaun; kelvin; jessica; candice; grace; shyaza; chekseen; amirah; jaan; jedidah; nadzirah; juliana; aqilah; charlton; qixuan; aqila; xinyi; sili; samantha; melissa; jolene; nadia; nurul; suetfar; armeeza; joanna; melissa; sakinah; peishi; gurvin; wuyi; yingying; jennifer; dionne; peiwen; zakkiyah; azrina; estee; fiona; germaine; jiaqi; shirlynn; jacqueline; joshua; qianyun;

grouphug; ryan; postsecret; kennysia; xiaxue; levan; translation; dictionary; edison; youtube;

untold prophesy
lingyu
deborah
khairiah
cheryl
alvin

foto decadent ; moargh ; bias-ED.

iPod [video], sharkb0izx 101, scene hair, a lot of clothes, tongue, navel and lip piercings, shopping spree, a million billion trillion gazillion dollars, effective weight loss, accessories, skinnies, BILL!, a lot of moshing, 69 hours in a day, more gigs! ask me and i'll tell you

i'm the world's most dramatic person. how did a day that started well end so badly? haha. it's again one of my "issues". how i find myself ugly and fat and god knows what else. (it's all true. i AM ugly and fat and god knows what.)

my mum says i have no confidence. i give up easily because i "know you won't excel". my friends say i have low self-esteem. i hate myself. well. maybe. why do i have "issues"?

i was sobbing in the changing room. for some warped reason. i don't even know why! am i really THAT ugly?! evelyn didn't dare to ask me why i was crying. i don't even know why... i guess i was feeling a bit suicidal - don't ask me to see a counsellor please. i can iron my 'issues' out. i think. just as long as i don't look into the mirror for the rest of my life.

who invented mirrors, anyway? loons! the mirror is the root of all problems. people strive to look pretty/handsome/cute. do you see those newspaper adverts? with stick thin women looking into the mirror, thinking they look like elephants, with legs as thick as tree trunks, flabby arms, a big tummy and fat spilling over? with cellulite and all that other junk?

that's anorexia. and there's also bulimia. and other eating disorders. people binge and then puke up what they gorge into their bodies. girls look like twigs, all angular and no curves. is this 'beauty'?

what IS beauty? i don't think anyone can judge that. there's no real "beauty". some people think that big noses are nice. some think that small noses are nice. so, it's kinda dumb. what IS real beauty? people have contradicting tastes. but i guess inner beauty is the same. people fall for kind people, don't they? do you see people falling in love with abusive guys/girls? well. maybe. if you didn't know they were abusive at first, but that's not the case.

i hate superficial people.

meanwhile. today i cried buckets. my eyes were red, my mum asked me if i'm fine. do i look fine? do i FEEL fine? actually, i don't. i hate myself...well. not really. i love myself to bits, ugliness and all. but sometimes its hard to convince yourself that other people feel the same way about you. you see them eyeing you up and down and then look away in disgust. it hurts. a lot.

maybe these people don't know what it feels like. were they 'accepted' all their lives? were they "in"? i blame my 'issues' on the media. they started it. do you notice that all the people starring in shows (other then the makeover and what shitty crap faced reality shows with makeovers), even reality shows, are thin? pretty? handsome?

haha. eye for a guy, and whateverrrr. the guys they pick are hunks. they don't just "pick them off the streets". if they picked any tom (haha. not you, tom), dick, or harry, would you see guys with abs like washboards? kinda stupid right? and then the makeover and what...nip-and-tuck? i've never been a fan of these shows. haha. do you think it'll be okay once you undergo surgery and get yourself a new nose? so...it's "in" now to have sharp noses. what if, in a few years, the demand is...err...pig snouts? you're not gonna get them shaped into pig snouts, are you?!

this world is totally fucked up.

they expect "perfection" when there's no such thing.

i hate my imperfect self.

no i don't.